Wondering about people's nature I started to question my capability of 'letting go.' From former posts it was evident that I'm a person incapable to confront change. But this goes beyond liking or disliking. This is about exerting agency and being able to do it. The most banal circumstances showed me that I have severe problems in deciding... if I find two-of-a-kind dresses but in different colours, I get them both! eat salad or pizza??.... wow! that's a tough one!!
And what happens in more important realms of my life? well, for that I have people making choices for me. Staying or leaving? studying or quiting? let go or stay attached? my beloved ones decide these things for me; they protect me. I admire pleople who are able to make choices. Not only are they mature enough to face the consequences but also brave to deal with the uncertainty of the feared future. Because life is that... a constant pressure to decide on important facts. My friend F and I associate this behaviour as closing doors, meaning the capability to let go things you would like to retain forever.
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) the world does not work that way. One cannot have everything (as much as we would like to) and hence we get to decide.... as an economist I would play my scarce-resource card, but at this point I'm not even sure how rational individuals can be... and suddenly my models are destroyed. The good thing is, however, that as much as it is difficult to close a door (forever) another one will open automatically and that will represent a challenge and a world full of new things to discover.
Then again, I'm not the right person to talk about this... I experience both satisfaction and frustantion through decisions other people make for me. Convenient in the sense that I'm no longer responsible for the outcomes, but extremely self-destructing... But don't mean to cry over spilled milk, I created this situation: people openning and closing my doors, and sometimes without even asking if I needed help...
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ehhh. Many times choices happen in the present and they seem completely irrational. Only ex-post we go over and over again, struggling to attribute some sort of rationality and contributing to a renewed validity of beloved rational models.... Does it help in the long run?
I think we DO choose. We just have a scant perspective, looking at ourselves from inside and possibly above. Ask ourselves too much, never satisfied cause if we managed to do this, it means we could have done much more.
The recipe is probably to give ourselves a break. Long-awaited break. Adjust perspectievs and feelings. choices will come. and we will take them. in due time...
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